When a fond feeling dominates how I feel about you, I know very well that I have uncontrollably fallen for you, which, in a sense, is against this promise that I have with God. Knowing that, however, still can't I control the unleashed feeling, and as many times I have come before God for a removal of this feeling, I have as many times gotten myself trapped deeper in this feeling.
The ignition of this feeling was from the first time I found you suited completely the dream girl that I had in my mind, and this feeling has been deepened by the great amount of time that we have spent together. Though I sometimes do feel that this feeling fading, I can always manage to find it back. Even so, I wonder whether it is God or I who fades the feeling since I am an unlovable guy who finds fond feeling in beautiful girls easily. Of course, if my feeling toward you fades due to a fond feeling toward others, I know well that it is I who makes the feeling fade, but the point is, I guess, the feeling for you is true.
It has not been long since we come to know each other, but it is still long before I, if possible, can have an official relationship with anyone. And, considering my situation: two more years in college, two more in graduate school, if possible, and yet one and half more in military service, I really am not worth of having you. So, I guess all that I can depend on is God's promise, which is something only granted with an ever-deeper relationship with God.
What's the purpose of this entry then? I don't really know... Maybe just as a channel for me to let go of my supressed feelings.